AUBREY O'DAY: I started using sex--
over using sex in our relationship
so that he has dick would be so tired
he wouldn't go [BEEP] girls on the weekends
when he went to his events.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Yeah.
A little bit of it.
I mean, I spared that relationship greatly.
I only said a few little things.
But, yeah, it took a lot of time for me
to heal from the type of trauma that I experienced
in that relationship.
And it took a long time for me to take ownership
and accountability for not loving myself
properly and allowing it.
That's the hardest part, yourself, when
you have to forgive yourself.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Well, I actually had written a good amount
of this just in my--
I journal every day.
So I had actually written a good amount of this prior to
after the relationship.
I was in that space.
I have a much wider perspective of life since Bali.
And because my viewpoint is not--
my vantage point is not as narrow,
I'm able to have peace with speaking
on the things I'm saying.
Because I've taken enough time away from them to know what's
true.
And I think when you release something, especially
a piece of art, you should never do it
when you're trying to get back at somebody, or you're angry,
or you want to hurt-- when you have bad intentions.
So I wanted to make sure that my intentions were just
about appreciating a piece of music that could potentially
speak to other women that understand what it's
like to see somebody that you thought loved you and did
certain things with you go on to the next girl
and do the same exact routine.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
At the time that I wrote it, it was for three people.
It was for myself.
I used to look in the mirror and say that when I was in it.
It's for the girls that warned me before I got in it,
go ahead and have him.
You'll.
See and it was for the potential girls
in the future who maybe are in the place where I was,
where I was standing up for all of it
and making it look so beautiful from the outside,
but really inside it was everything but.
And also, by the way, my writing partner I wrote with, Marissa,
she's had a similar experience.
And she said, you don't know--
she called me the other day and she's like, your lyrics speak--
I feel like you're speaking for me.
And I love that she said that because I
feel like it is so pointed.
But it really is incredible how many
women share that same experience of just seeing someone move
right along, calling the next person the same pet names,
waking them up the same way.
All the little ingredients that make people
think that they love them are the same ingredients
they use on everyone.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
I kind of like being the only one alive that knows exactly
how you show love and lie.
Because the character that he's created is lovable.
And the production that created his image and editing
is lovable.
And for the people that don't get the lovable edit,
they tend to be looked at as more of the problem.
And the person that's lovable always
gets away with the same routines.
And I think more people are coming forward and discussing
that type of scenario.
-- just happen in the celebrity world.
It happens in everyone's lives.
So I think that there's a lot of things that he said after it.
And this is my time to reference a few of those.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
What started it when I was writing, journaling, I saw--
I think I saw an article or people talking about how
they know that the love is real and better
than at Aubrey O'Day.
So, of course, I was added on it.
So I read it.
Because of the way that he wakes her up in the morning.
And then they list things that he does.
And I wondered for a long time, why doesn't she--
why isn't he treating her the way he treated me?
Because I was like ready to be a good partner and a mother.
And I was.
And I wondered for a long time, was there something wrong
with me that the next girl gets this great version of somebody
that appears that way.
But you wonder, why didn't you get that version of them?
And then when I read all of the comments that we're adding me,
I realized, he woke me up that same way for 2 and 1/2 years.
So I guess we're all having the same experience, aren't we?
And that's what started the idea of the song.
Literally, the opening says, turned on the TV the other day.
Saw you talking about the way you all love.
They call it love.
Love, yeah, that's interesting because it
was the same thing for me too.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
We were together all the way up until he left to go film
the new season of "Jersey Shore" that they got brought back.
And he got his Fame back.
And once he went there, it was, I love you still
and we're going to be together.
But he-- I was told he [BEEP] some girls
at the club on my birthday.
So that's how that ended, in a nutshell.
There were plenty of problems prior to that.
But I think that you have to really
do so much work on yourself in order to be a changed human.
And you have to think that you've done something wrong
and want to change.
And I don't believe that he's ever taken any time
to hold himself accountable.
I'd love to see what his response is to this.
If he goes to the media and says the same trash
that he's been talking about me since we broke up,
It's likely that he's still the same exact human.
Because I don't see that he's had a break to be on his own
without the fame monster creating more
ammunition behind the character and more fantasy lands
to operate in.
Until you're left with yourself, like in Bali,
I was in a world of no entertainment, no celebrities,
untouched land, and myself.
And I had to hold myself accountable for many
of the times that I've operated outside of the integrity
that I want to have as a woman in life.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Well, when I heard it I was so used to--
I got really into escaping into Ambien.
I was given Ambien as a young child.
I mean, I started in this industry at 17--
because I was having problems sleeping on airplanes.
And it started to become something
that I took to escape the abuse and pain of things that
were happening in that life.
And it was overtaken because I was
over experiencing a lot of it.
When he said it, I took Ambien and I went back to sleep.
That's what I did for a good amount of COVID.
Because I couldn't do anything without seeing "Jersey Shore"
on a billboard outside my home, "For the Love of Polly",
and plenty of people the way that I was treated
in that relationship, and seeing that they gave him
another opportunity to potentially
be harmful to another woman, in even mental ways, et cetera,
was very troubling to me.
The system, I thought, was failing.
And then Don Jr. was on my television, because all I
watch is the news and MSNBC.
And so I got to have those things in my face at all times.
And I became dependent on being able to escape from the pain
because it was so painful.
My heart broke so deeply that I couldn't
do anything but take a pill, take a pill, and go to sleep.
And a lot of people take Ambien.
And a lot of people use it to escape.
And I want to be a voice to those people
because it can become very addictive to needing
that escape if you're in a high pressure life.
And I had to move to Bali and get into alternative medicine,
get into theta healing, Reiki healing, Wim
Hof, ice baths, breath work.
I mean, I had to completely shift over
to alternative medicine to break the pattern
of big pharma and its impact on allowing me to escape.
I have a goddaughter that is 10 years old and on Adderall.
It's unhealthy the way that we're treating mental health.
And I want to be an advocate for people.
I mean, if we were to just employ breath work
into the educational system, kids
could breathe and understand how to calm down from anger
instead of take a gun and shoot everyone up at school.
And I can't say that with more of a firm tone.
I'm really, really into being completely honest,
including saying all of the really embarrassing things
like, I was taking a lot of medication
because what he was doing was murdering my soul.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Yeah.
That he wished I never met his daughter.
He said that in multiple interviews,
that he'd be careful next time and never be careless about who
gets to meet her, as if I played a negative role or no role
in her life.
And I won't ever get into details about my relationship
with another man's child with someone else
because I don't think there's integrity in that,
and I'm not a gossip, but I can tell
you through my lens and my eyes only, I loved that child.
And there were many things that I taught her.
And there were many ways that I made her a neater
human being when her and I would be
alone spending time together.
And I've never seen anyone betray the truth so flagrantly.
And it was very hurtful.
And I didn't deserve it.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Pauly cares about Pauly, first and foremost,
maybe only, in my opinion.
He will protect himself at all costs.
I am no part of his plan or life.
And I think--
I've heard him on shows laughing that I'm a d-list loser
and how he could do so much better.
Jenny McCarthy, I think, called me
that, a d-list loser, and that he could do so much better.
I was really hurt and offended that a woman I don't even know
was speaking about me like that.
I thought that was very rude of her.
So I would like to also make that clear.
Call me, Jenny McCarthy, with your big ass mouth,
and tell me that to my face.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
I want them to know that it was toxic,
and also I loved him deeply.
I also likely loved things that were superficial, ideas that I
had about wanting people to see me
in this perfect relationship.
Around that time couple goals was really a hashtag.
And the people that had--
the Kardashians made the whole world feel like shit
on Valentine's Day if you don't have
18 million roses lined up in your home
with 16, whatever, balloons and animals.
I mean, it literally became a thing.
How much are you loved and how much does your man care
about you for Valentine's Day?
I remember buying myself balloons
and taking photos for Instagram as if he did something for me.
And people being like, I'm so jealous, you guys
have such a perfect life.
And he was off cheating.
He didn't even do anything.
And I was arguing with a girl on the phone that
had my man's dick that night.
So I faked so much of things like that.
So there was something wrong with me
that I was being so inauthentic about the truth
of our situation.
I've also heard him say many times, oh, if she was
so miserable, why did she stay?
That's like the number one thing that abusers say,
if you know anything about abusive relationships,
by the way.
But that's a good question.
Why did I stay?
And I had to take ownership and accountability.
And the reasons were I was sick and I did not love myself.
So what I would want people to know
is I was able to find myself because I betrayed myself.
I was able to get closer to integrity
because I was operating without it.
I was able to get better, but it took a while.
And I really hurt my body with medication to escape the pain.
And I never want other women--
I want to try as best I can to save them from that route.
Because the easiest thing to do after having your heart broken
is to escape.
He escaped into fame.
I escaped into medication.
Either way, I would want to end it on a positive note and say,
it is possible that people can change
and be better to other people that they date after you.
It is possible that other people are better for you,
and they don't bring out bad behaviors,
and that maybe they bring out the best in you.
So it is possible that other people
are experiencing something completely different than me.
And I do leave room and grace for the possibility that
hopefully we both have been able to grow
and be better as people.
But with all that bull [BEEP] aside, girl,
I went through hell.
And I survived it.
And all you women out there that are in this [BEEP]
can do it too.
And watch for the signs.
When they start telling you you can't do things,
there are rules, there are--
when you hear the word consequences--
every woman I've met that's been in an abusive relationship
searches the word consequences in their phone,
and the man that abused them comes
up in their text messages.
Consequences are a big thing for people that
are in unhealthy relationships.
When you start hearing words like that, get out quickly.
Love doesn't have consequences when you behave a certain way.
Love is about adoration, kindness, connection, building
people up, making them feel beautiful, not threatened, not
scared, not cheated on, not wondering
if they're lovable or loved.
And if you feel any of those things,
to all the women out there, I support you.
If you're in that place, I support you.
Come to me.
Come to my OnlyFans.
Come to my DMs on Instagram.
I'm here for you.
Let's start a coalition.
A lot of women have been in that place.
And they're scared to talk about it
because it's usually at the hands of a man
that's more powerful than them.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
OK, bitch, here you go.
So I didn't have sex after Pauly for three years.
I started using sex--
over using sex in our relationship
so that he has dick would be so tired
he wouldn't go [BEEP] girls on the weekends
when he went to his events.
Straight up.
I don't know how to say that cute, Tamara.
So I'm sorry.
I know you're going to give me a whole lecture for that one.
TAMARA: No, you're OK.
Go ahead.
AUDREY O'DAY: I didn't want him to cheat.
I mean, I would like wake up in the morning early
when he was leaving to see if he was like shaving
his pubes in the shower.
Because I knew if he was, he was making
his dick pretty for somebody.
And it wasn't me.
That's how bad it got.
That's how many girls--
I mean, that girl that claimed she
had Cardi B's husband's baby--
remember that girl that became popular?
The Black Widow, or whatever they call her.
Do you guys remember her name?
I don't know.
Do you know who I'm talking about?
Yeah, I think there was a lawsuit against her too
actually. Yeah.
She was the first person that came to me
and said she [BEEP] Pauly while we were together.
And that was the very first girl I ever had to deal with.
And there were many after that.
And he would always like gaslight me
into feeling like I'm making these things up,
and he's a celebrity, and girls are crazy
and they're just going to lie.
But it was like too consistent every weekend.
Same conversations.
And if you're not guilty, then why are there
parties happening where you take the girls
cell phones at the door?
Because there was never really any phone proof,
but there was always something coming at me.
So I just-- and I've never been in a relationship like that.
I've never been with a cheater.
I've never had to be lied to and call girls
and argue with them over, did they have sex with my man.
It's trash.
It's just straight trash.
I hated doing it.
It was so beneath me.
[MUSIC PLAYING]